Feeling Embarrassed

I’m going to say something. Only a very few people know about this, some of those same people don’t even know the full of it. I meet a man through online. Over a course of two months our “relationship” went from platonic to a sexual kind of relationship. Mind you this has all been through online and never in person. I’m  extremely embarrassed that I lived in la la land for over two months. Honestly thinking that maybe him and  I could be together. How stupid and very much naive. I think the fact that I was lonely and craved the attention of somebody other then my family. I have moved on mostly, and cut off all contact between him and I, including his family.

Some days I think about him, but in the aspect that I miss talking to a person who was genuinely interested in me. I know realize that he is a creep, and should not have engaged in a relationship with so much younger then him. Yes he was an older man. I’m working on forgiving myself for being naive and vulnerable. In fact I think I’m going to talk to my therapist about him tomorrow. I’m scared to be judged by her though I know it’s her job not to. But I need help to process my thoughts in a more efficient way.  Will update how it goes…

Awkward Sightings…

It’s crazy to think that I can know a person for 8+years, and in a short amount of time go from best friends to awkward acquaintances. Especially when said person lives in the same damn building as you. Instead of saying hello, I pretended to look for something in my car until said person passed me. I HATE awkward run ins. But it’s part of life. And though I don’t have any animosity towards this person, I’m glad not to be friends with them. It seems harsh but I look at it like this…a person who truly wants to be in your life will make steps in doing that. That means when a friendship is not the strongest, one friend or both will get together and talk about the issues. I was that friend. I took steps to save  this friendship and she did not. So in retrospect, she did me a favor. I no longer have to waste my time and can focus on the important things in life…like me. And she can go on in her life doing what ever she wants to do. And that is OKAY.

There are billions of people in this world., one person who I used to be friends with is nothing compared to the endless possibility of friendships I can have. So I choose to look at the positives and be thankful for the memories we shared. This next chapter in life is about me. And that is the only damn thing that matters at the end of the day.