New Years Resolutions? How About No?

Do I have any New Years Resolutions? That is a good question. A year ago I would be sprouting something like, “Oh, I want to lose weight”, “Go on a diet”, “Discover a new hobby”. Well now, I say I don’t have any New Years Resolutions. I don’t want to change myself for the purpose of not liking my qualities or flaws. I am who I am, warts and all. I can tell you the shitty things I have done. I can tell you the amazing things I have done. The regrets I have. But I’m not ashamed of my individuality. I won’t say I love myself, because it would be a lie lol, and I haven’t reached that point yet in my life. But I will say I embrace myself and I’m not going to change who I am for anyone, anymore.

You don’t like my personality, weight, and/or skin color?

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That’s your problem. The only thing that matters is my opinion of myself and I recommend that you figure out your deep-seated issues. Because I’m happy, and you should be too. 🙂

I woke up this morning, with an attitude of “Fuck It”. Fuck my worries about my weight. I weigh 252 gorgeous and sexy pounds. I may not look like it in my pictures, pretty sure the weight is in my thick ass thigh muscles and my stomach, lol. But I don’t give a fuck anymore.

Fuck my social anxiety. This Goddess is going to attend her first BDSM munch in two weeks in my city. I’m going to walk into that restaurant with my beautiful breast commanding attention as always, and strut my confidence.

Fuck questioning my decision to become a therapist. I’m going to become the most well known and effective therapist in my city.

Fuck my distaste for my skin color. I’m a sexy, milk chocolate, Goddess. I’m not going to conform to society and try to lighten my skin color, or go through with my decision to get a nose job to slim my nose. My nose is perfectly fine. I can breathe through it. That is all that matters at the end of the day.

Oh, and my stretch marks that make me feel like I need to cover myself up in the bedroom? No more.

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My naked ass is going to be on full display. If, you are one of the lucky ones to get to have the pleasure of seeing it that is, hehe.

I am a confident, beautiful, sexy, fierce, Goddess.

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-Falyn


Photo/Gif credit: The last gif is a poet and body positive activist by the name of Rachel Wiley. I enjoy all of her poetry slam performances. This video, “10 Honest Thoughts on Being Loved by a Skinny Boy”, is my favorite one of her works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRFOTqTicvY

Check it out! ❤

Q&A Reminder!

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Just reminding you all to send your questions to me via commenting on this post or through my email address: lovelyaphrodite7@gmail.com

There is no limit to the amount of questions you can ask me! Nothing off limits regarding the quality of questions. Ask anything about BDSM, sex questions in general or pertaining to my sex life, my vanilla life, etc. I will not shy away from any question. 🙂

The deadline to have your questions in, is this Sunday January 1st at 9:00 o’clock a.m. central time! 

Once the deadline has passed, I will record myself answering your questions and post the audio on my blog before the end of that day!

Look forward to answering your questions. 🙂

-Falyn

Q&A? Plus a surprise…

I reached my personal goal of 50 followers! I’m so, so happy. I honestly never intended to have this blog to be read by anyone. But I thought there could be amazing people out there who I could be connecting with, so why not allow those connections to take place? To some people, 50 followers is probably nothing. But to me, it means that there are people who are all over the world reading my words. My words. Who are relating what I’m feeling in the moment, to what they are feeling. That right there is so beautiful, and I’m so blessed beyond words… to get the honor of having the ability to connect with you all. So thank you for this.

I thought it would be cool to have a Q&A. So you all can get to know me a little bit better. Ask me any questions. Nothing off limits. Well, to an extent, lol. Sorry, I can’t tell you information that will give away my anonymity. But I can answer things relating to me exploring the BDSM culture and in general about BDSM itself, to what my favorite hobbies are, to my most embarrassing social interactions, to the last time I masturbated lol, to what my deepest sexual desires and kinks are. I will take any questions! Vanilla or not.

You can send your questions in via commenting on this post, or if it will make you feel comfortable being anonymous to other followers, you can email your questions to my email address. My email address is: lovelyaphrodite7@gmail.com

Note: Unless disclosed otherwise by you, any questions sent to me will be anonymous when I answer them.

The surprise:

Here is the best part! 🙂 I will record myself answering your questions. So yes, you will get to hear my lovely voice, hehe. The deadline to getting your questions in will be this Sunday, January 1st at exactly 9:00 o’clock a.m. central time. Once the deadline to having your questions in has passed, I will record myself answering your questions and will post the audio on this blog before that day is over.

So if you have a curious and/or naughty mind, and you want to ask me something. Go for it! ❤ There are no limits to the amount of questions you can ask. I will answer how many you want to send me!

-Falyn

P.s. I will post reminders up on this blog about the Q&A, to remind you to get your questions in before the deadline!

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2.

Yesterday morning I weighed myself. I gained two pounds so far over this holiday break. All I keep thinking about since then is the number, 2. My weight is a sensitive topic for me ever since I was a child. It could stem from the fact that when I was 7, a family member put me on a diet. I only ate Smart Ones meals and exercised Monday-Saturday on the treadmill for one straight hour, immediately after I came home from school. Sundays were my day off. I still had to eat Smart Ones meals, but I didn’t have to exercise. I loved Sundays. I was allowed to drink tea on those days. Sundays were the best.

The food regimen was not approved by or even brought on by a physician. This family member thought because I was an overweight child, not anywhere close to being obese just overweight; I could only eat Smart Ones and thus had to restrict my calories. I can’t remember if I was starving or if I was allowed to eat sweets during this long period. All I remember is that I grew tired of Smart Ones, and still today you cannot pay me enough to eat them.

I went from an overweight child to being considered underweight based on my BMI. My grandmother was completely shocked the next time she saw me a year later. My eyes were sunken in with dark circles around them and my face gaunt. The processed frozen meals were not giving me enough nourishment. I don’t understand why no one in my family was concerned about this. What my theory is, and this is going to probably sound crazy, but I think because in the black community obesity seems to me, more prevalent. So to my family members, because I was no longer considered overweight, that is all that matters. It didn’t matter how I became skinny, just that I got there.

So honestly ever since then my weight has been an issue. I went from an overweight child, to skinny, to a normal weight in junior and high school, to gaining 30 pounds my freshman year of college. So my weight has fluctuated. Thus, is why my stomach, thighs, and armpit region have stretch marks. Marks that I’m very much embarrassed about and has negatively effected me in the bedroom today.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I LOVE sweets. I could eat ice-cream everyday of my life and never grow tired of it. A burger and fry is like crack to me. My sophomore year of college, I developed tendencies of a Binge Eating Disorder. I would restrict my calories for a day or two, then overeat for a day or two, then start the cycle again. I would lose a couple of pounds in the beginning of the week and gain it all back again at the end of it.

It didn’t help that ever since I was a child, a close relative would nag me about my weight. When I wouldn’t see them for a while the first thing she would say to me was, “You gained weight.” or “You lost weight, you look good.”. I always felt this need and still today to lose weight because it made other people happy. For some reason, I remembered how in junior high when I visited my cousin in Colorado for the summer, a boy said that he didn’t like me because I was fat but instead liked my cousin because she was skinny. But I had a pretty face though, he said. So that made up for it.

I was a very sensitive child in general, even more about my weight, but his words affected me. I became more self-conscious. Wore baggy clothes to hide my pudginess. I haven’t thought about this memory since I was a child. But I will say that it didn’t help my self-esteem during the time. Food is my friend and comfort. It’s there for me when I’m sad, when I’m happy, when I’m anxious, when I’m angry. It never judges me. I know it’s wrong. But damn it feels and tastes so good.

Nowadays I’m seeing a Dietitian. Hoping I can change my relationship with food. I have some goals with her that I’m working on. I was doing good for a while, but I fell off the wagon. I would email her everyday to send her my food log, so I could be accountable. I was supposed to implement 5 to 6 small meals a day. I haven’t emailed her for a few weeks now. The holidays have been hard for me. I’m too embarrassed to email her now for two reasons. The fact that I haven’t been implementing my food goals, and the fact that there has been silence on my part. Maybe I will email her tonight and be completely honest. What is the worst thing that could happen? She will think I’m a failure and can never change? I can accept that. Sometimes I feel that way myself.

2017 is right around the corner. I’m so freaking tired of being fat. Every bite I take I wonder if its one step away from being a happy, skinny Falyn. I’m starting to become anxious eating anything. Which is not a good thing at all. Everyone says that I’m curvy and sexy. How am I curvy and sexy? I look at my body, and see disgusting love handles and a fat stomach. Where is the skinny, happy, and healthy Falyn? Does she even exist in me? I don’t know.

All I know is that I’m the number, 2.

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-Falyn

 

I’m Thinking of you…

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My heart yearns for my Dom, my Sir, whoever he is. Does he fall asleep thinking of me, as I think of him? It’s so silly, but I wonder what he smells like. What kind of cologne he wears. Does he snore when he sleeps? If he is a suit and tie kind of man or t-shirt and khakis. Would he read me a bedtime story before we go to bed? Rub my back when I don’t feel well? Think I’m adorable and sexy with my curly bed hair? Still give me a good morning kiss, even though I have morning breath? Feed me his cock every morning before breakfast because he knows I love it? Bend me over his knees to spank me when I’m a brat and sassy? Sit and color with me during the evening time ? 🙂

Would he put my necklace on me before I head to work? The necklace that symbolizes his collaring of me that I can wear in public. So I can always be reminded that I belong to him just as much as he belongs to me. Will he kiss the sensitive and erogenous spot on my neck that never fails to makes we weak in the knees; as he clasps the necklace closed?


A Note to Daddy:

I will wait for you. As long as it is humanely possible. You will never be far from my thoughts. From my heart. Our love will always transcend time. In this life and the next. Never forget this. ❤

-Your Babygirl.

Reading to Mr. Pink.

Mr. Pink, my stuffie, wanted to have me read him a fantasy tale. Okay, maybe I just wanted to read to him, hehe. Alice in Wonderland is one of our favorite tales!

-From Mr. Pink and I


Little Space is so relaxing!! Why has it took me this long to learn about my DD/lg kink?  XD

 

My Nipple Piercing Experience.

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Around this time a year ago, I made an impulse decision to get my nipples pierced. Why did I do this? Well… I kind of have a habit of doing these kinds of things. Like with my first tattoo, I had no idea what I wanted to get done once I turned 18. 18 is the legal age here to get a tattoo without parental consent. All I knew is that I had the money and I was legal. In the end it turned out great. I won’t say what I got because I want to keep it special and unique for myself. But what I will share is that I got a feather that breaks apart into birds. That part was not unique, lol. But the words that are underneath in French, are what I want to keep special.

Anywho, so here I am at the age of 20, a year ago, wanting to get myself an early Christmas present with no clue of what exactly. A random thought came into my head, “I should get my nipples pierced!”. And so I did. I spent the rest of the day researching reputable piercing shops. Come on, I ain’t that crazy not to :p. Once I found a reputable shop with overall good online reviews, I made a plan to get the piercings the next day. So in a bit of a backwards process, I researched everything I could about nipple piercings; if the piercing  was tremendously painful, would it affect my ability to breastfeed one day if I decided to have children, how long it took to heal, the pros and cons of nipple piercings, etc. None of the answers I found scared me off. Plus, when I make up my mind I usually stick with it.

So here I am at the piercing shop, paperwork all filled out and jewelry picked out (I picked a titanium barbell since I’m allergic to other metals); and waiting for my turn. Of course I’m incredibly nervous, but it helped to have my now, former good friend there with me. The piercer called my name and I headed upstairs of the two, floor shop. After having a chit chat with the piercer, I took off my bra and laid down on a matted, black table. Luckily the piercer was a woman so I felt completely comfortable showcasing my breasts. I should note, I was self-conscious of my breasts at that time. All the equipment she used on me was sterilized and fresh out of the package. Throughout the whole entire process she wore medical gloves, as she should. She marked with a felt-tip pen, dots at the base of my nipples where I would be pierced at. I was instructed to take a deep breath in and exhale, when I exhaled the first piercing went through. Honestly, it felt like a 3-second sharp pain and then it was over. She slid in the barbell and next was my left breast. Same feeling as the other. Sharp pain then it was over. The pain can be compared to getting a finger prick test at a doctors office. Then I was all finished! I looked in the mirror and I LOVED my sexy piercings. As the piercer gave me instructions on how to take care of my new friends, I nodded and smiled with a huge grin. I paid $90, and was out the door!

On the drive home my nipples were incredibly sensitive. Just the soft touch of the fabric of my bra sliding across my nipples made me jerk my body. The rest of the day I wore no bra, just a soft cotton shirt. I made sure to sleep on my back  for two months straight. I avoided baths and took showers. I did two sea-salt soaks a day for 6 months. After that period I grew lazy cleaning my piercings twice a day and switched to once a day for soaks, while also spraying the piercings with sea-salt spray, that I bought from a reputable online shop for piercings and tattoo care.

Throughout this entire year I had zero issues with one piercing which was on my left breast. For the other I had constant problems. It bled on an off. I had lymph more then what was supposed to be there, and on and off the piercing just ached. So in November I grew tired of it and went to a different piercing shop. The piercer there took a look and said my piercing was rejecting. Great (sarcasm)! So she took it out and now today I just have one piercing which is the left breast. I’m debating if I want to wait a couple of months and have the right one pierced again. But I don’t know. The sensitivity in my nipples have decreased after having them pierced. Yes, it looks gorgeous but the piercings didn’t do anything for me pleasure-wise. They are only there it seems like for an aesthetic look. At this point I can take or leave it. But I will say I like symmetry. So I might just get it re-pierced and call it a day.

I will say I don’t really regret the piercings nor my impulse decision to get them done. I do like the reaction I get when I talk about my piercings with new friends. People are completely shocked because my personality is nothing like you would imagine someone to have, if they had an intimate piercing like this. Will I keep them the rest of my adult life? I don’t know. I can vision myself growing tired of them and taking them out. But for now I’m going to enjoy the aesthetic.

Of course I’m thinking of making another impulse decision and getting my clitoral hood pierced, called Vertical Clitoral Hood (VCH). We shall see, hehe…

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to comment and also if you want you can share what piercings you have or want to have in the future. 🙂

-Falyn