Soooo, I was horny. What else is new, right? And I thought, “Damnit! My followers deserve to hear me cum :p!” Hehe, okay maybe I just wanted to record myself in my most intimate state of mind. So today I have released another audio! Wet sounds included…
Click below on my link for my audio, enjoy, and play along with or just have a listen lovelies.
18+ only. NSFW.
My first Pillow Talk audio has arrived! Put in some earbuds, sit back, and let my soft voice guide you to a relaxation state.
Link to my Pillow Talk audio: Pillow Talk audio or https://soundgasm.net/u/LovelyAphrodite/Pillow-Talk-Audio-1
Topics in this audio:
- A sleep deprived Falyn
- Shout-out to fellow WordPress blogger: CollaredMichael
- Thoughts on FetLife.com
- Some tangents
- Occasional coughing
- Making more erotic audios in the future?
- BDSM impact toy suggestions?
Enjoy my lovelies!
Last night I had some much needed, “me”, time. Here is an audio of the results:
18+ only. NSFW. Put on some earbuds, turn up the volume, play along with or just listen ;).
The more I explore and continue my journey of self-exploration in the BDSM society, the more I start to question everything about myself. It seems like once I find something out about myself, the next I question myself and change my mind. For example, I was so sure I was a switch and enjoyed my Domme and submissive side, but leaned more towards my submissive nature. Now I’m realizing that I lean more towards my Domme side instead. See? It’s just all confusing. Well, at least to me. I hate not knowing something 100%. Ambiguity is not my friend.
It seems like the more I explore my Domme side, the more I resonate with it more so then my submissive side. Being a switch to me, is just so confusing. I thought I was okay being a switch. But I don’t think I am. I think being a switch, personally to me, gives me an excuse to not figure myself out because it’s too hard and confusing to do so. I have this need in me to pick a side. Domme or submissive.
I love the idea of being in control. I have come across potential submissives who call me, Miss, out of respect. Side note: I hate being called Mistress, because I have no experience as one and nor qualified to be called one. So I ask potential submissives to call me Miss, since I’m comfortable being referred to as that.
I absolute adore being called Miss. I love how I’m asked permission for things and given that control over someone. It’s so powerful and euphoric to me. But then there is the submissive side, where I don’t want to be in control. Where I want to feel safe, nurtured, and protected. It’s like…these two sides of me are connected and weaved together. It’s like I can’t separate the two. One cannot exist without the other.
Other rambling thoughts:
I’m strongly considering finding an experienced Domme, Dominatrix, or Mistress to mentor me long-term. I don’t know how to be a Domme, let alone a good one. So it seems like a good idea to find someone who is very experienced and well-known in the BDSM scene, to guide and teach me how to be a proper Domme. And potentially down the road, teach me how to be a mistress. I think as a Domme… I can always learn new things and improve. Which is why I want a long-term mentorship.
So which side won? Umm, I think I’m going to call it a tie?
*This is part 3 and last of my, “My First BDSM Munch. Verdict? Not Successful.” post. I recommend you read in order starting from part 1.*
I get into my car that is located outside in the parking lot of the restaurant where the munch took place. I felt so ashamed of my kinks. I felt like I was a freak to hear other kinksters degrade something that I was proud about. That night I vented to my vanilla friend (she knows about my kinky life), and I felt better because we laughed over the entire awkward encounter.
One of the moderators, the one who ushered me into the private room, shot me a message on Fetlife saying she hoped I had a good time and that she was sorry we didn’t get to chat. I decided to be open to her and told her that I was not comfortable when I overheard kink shaming take place next to me. I gave her a suggestion that maybe before each munch you can remind everyone that kink shaming is not allowed. That the munch is a judgment free place. I then told her that I wouldn’t want other newbies to feel how I felt leaving that munch.
She replied and apologized for my unfavorable experience and asked me what I would like to be seen done. I told her what I said in the above paragraph. She told the other moderators about the situation, one of which is her boyfriend. Her and her boyfriend and I did a group chat on KIK to further discuss the situation. I honestly didn’t know what else could be done or why we were doing a group chat, since I just simply wanted to suggest something to the moderator. But I went along with it.
The boyfriend/ moderator explained that the two women were new and therefore didn’t know what they were saying meant. Which, side note, okay if they are new that is fine but you were sitting and listening next to them so why didn’t you say something? This didn’t occur to me to ask him that at the time, but boy I wish I did. It seemed like he kept defending these two women, and I could tell him and I were not going to see eye to eye. He was starting to get irritated with me. I could tell by how he would place periods after one word in a sentence.
At that point, I decided that I was done with that local munch. I have a feeling her boyfriend and I’s personality would clash. And honestly I would rather be in a munch where I’m surrounded by people who are into my kinks. It just makes more sense. I told them I would probably rethink attending munches, but maybe in the future I would try it again. The female moderator said you will find these type of situations in every group. In my head I thought: “Yeah, maybe so. But I would hope those moderators would speak up. Something your boyfriend lacked doing. So yeah, you lost this fellow kinkster.”. The conversation came to an amicable end.
Immediately I went on Fetlife to see if there were any ABDL’s (Adult Baby Diaper Lover) groups in the local area. And I found and joined one :)! Hopefully I will have a better experience then versus this munch group. I don’t think I would get along with the other moderators, and yes those two women were probably new, but the fact that the one moderator did absolutely nothing…and he was listening to the women talk…turns me off.
So yes, this was my first munch. Sadly it wasn’t what I had hoped it to be. But at least I overcame my anxieties and challenged my social anxiety. At least that is one positive thing I can take away from this experience.
*This is part 2 of my, “My First BDSM Munch. Verdict? Not Successful.” post. I recommend you read part 1 to understand part 2.*
So here I am at my first munch, no one is talking or acknowledging me, my level of anxiety is climbing higher because I feel so awkward, I keep making awkward eye glances with two men, I wasted $7 of gross food..it’s just a sucky time.
This is the part that made me grab my check and get out the joint as fast as I could. The same people to my right who were giggling and laughing, having a jolly time, were talking to one of the moderators of the online group. Two women sitting over in that section were discussing kinks. Women number 1 said, “I don’t get the Daddy dom/ little girl thing” followed immediately afterwards with a face of disgust. She followed that with, “I’m not into wearing diapers”. Again, followed by a face of disgust. Women number 2 says, “Golden showers and bodily fluids is gross and disgusting”, followed by, “ew”.
Well, DD/lg (Daddy dom/little girl) and being a DL (Diaper lover), are two of my many kinks. So you can imagine how uncomfortable and kind of hurt I was to openly hear this in a munch. Munches are supposed to be a place where you can be yourself around like-minded people. Where kink shaming does not take place. Where you are embraced and accepted. No judgment. Of course, that is if your kinks or fetishes are consensual, legal, and safe. Yes, I’m not into bodily fluids, but you don’t see me degrading it like these two women! That is because I respect all kinks that are consensual, legal, and safe. Plus, you don’t know who is into that kink, so why in the hell would you kink shame in a damn munch of all places?! I’m 21-years-old and I at least know how to not kink shame and be thoughtful of my words and responses. These women were middle aged, and they acted like they were 10-years-old. I couldn’t believe it!
Even more, I couldn’t believe they were kink shaming in front of a moderator. And the moderator didn’t even say a damn thing to them, or tell them what they were saying is wrong and that is considered kink shaming!
At that moment, I was done. I grabbed my check. Said my goodbyes…well to D since he was the only person that cared I guess, lol. Oh and by the way, he did the same damn thing again in the coffee meet up! He gave me a hug and then squeezed my sides of my stomach. He said, “I have to give a hug goodbye to all women, especially when they have big boobies”. *Insert my awkward laughter*. Oh God, I can still feel his hands on my body right now (throwing up)! I walked out of the restaurant in a daze, thinking this will be the last time I ever attend a munch. Or at least this local munch group. But wait there is more…
To be continued…