Question of the day: Does everything happen for a reason in life? Let me know what you think in the comments.
The time has come again where I’m putting my Domme boots on. Figure of speech, hehe. Recently I have met a submissive, and the need to dominate has come back with a vengeance. The, what I call, lessons I have learned with my previous short courting with a Dom, has taught me things that I’m using in a courting with this submissive. I’m a firm believer that everything, well some things at least have a reason in life. The good moments, and the shitty moments. The lessons and experiences I took with that Dom, I’m learning from. As in, things not to do, lol. The status of the relationship with this submissive is in the courting phase, and has been for a couple of weeks now. I would say that I’m considering this person as a submissive.
So far I have learned new things about myself. That I had a caregiver role (BDSM), type of quality in me. Yes I have had jobs that have related to this care giving aspect in a vanilla setting, so I’m not surprised, but I didn’t think I would like to nurture and protect like what a Daddy Dom would do. I think that is honestly cool to learn something new about myself!
I have improved my communication from the previous relationship, with this one. I’m listening more attentively than I have done before. I’m offering more support. Just essential creating and increasing good qualities of what makes a, Miss.
I won’t be writing about the intimate moments with this person. There is a part of me that wants to protect and shield our relationship, and keep it special between us. I will not give this person a gender as well. But instead refer to this person as, “little one”. I like calling this person that, and they do too :).
If I were to write it will be things I’m learning about myself as a Miss, and if we go on cute dates as well, hehe.
I have met this person physically, and have gone through the proper steps of: First date non-play, negotiations, and next will be STD testing.
I hope our courtship will be filled with positive moments, and we grow to know each other. I have told little one that there is no pressure to play. There is no rule like after the third date we have to play or something, it’s what works for the both of us. If little one wants to wait until 10 dates to play, that is okay with me, or however long. It’s about comfort level and trust. Nobody should ever feel pressured or rushed to do anything, if they are not comfortable.
So yes, I’m learning new things about myself, and I’m excited. BDSM though is an umbrella term for amazing subgroups of it, is what I love and is a part of me. It’s what I need and want.
Why I prefer to be called, Miss, instead of Mistress:
If you are curious why I like to be referred to as, Miss, when I’m in Domme mood, let me explain. “Mistress” in BDSM is considered someone who has extensive experience in BDSM and kink. Mistress is a female term for Master. When you think of Master, you picture someone who is good at their craft because they have developed it over the years. Do I think a 23-year-old should consider themselves a Master? Personally, no. But there are people who do that out their. Nor should a 50-year-old consider themselves a Master if they only have been in the scene for 5 years. It’s not about age of the person, but about the length of experience and if they have developed their craft.
There are good and bad Masters out there. There are good and bad Mistresses, Dominatrix’s, slaves, submissives, masochists, sadists, little’s, middle’s, exhibitionists, swingers, etc. Just because someone identifies as a Mistress or Master does not by default mean they are a good person, or even good at their craft. And I think some of those new to BDSM and kink, overlook that. They don’t take the time to get to know someone. And I most definitely have been guilty of this. Thankfully I’m learning from my mistakes.
Off on a tangent, hehe, but the reason why I do call myself, Miss, is because I don’t have the experience, nor training by a Mistress or Master, to call myself that. It’s like calling myself a doctor when I never went through the required steps to become one.
So my comfort level is just being called, Miss. I don’t let everyone call me that. Only a select few, who I personally trust and have developed a connection or friendship with, are allowed to.
Whew, that was a lot. But I hope that gives a good idea into why I call myself Miss and not Mistress.
Until next time, Lovelies.
P.s. I came across this article on Psychology Today, giving a small glance into a introduction of BDSM and the myth that BDSM is abusive.