Wrap me tight in your arms. Tell me everything will be okay. Kiss the spot on my neck that never fails to make me swoon. Graze your fingers up and down my arm, leaving trails of goosebumps. Whisper that I’m beautiful as you kiss your way down my body. Kiss my nipples, kiss my stretchmarks on my stomach and thighs, kips my lips below… that belong only to you.
Tears that are traitors slip from the corner of my eyes.
I don’t want you to know how much your existence has affected and effected me. I don’t want you to know how much those simple words you have said, have broke down a shield I have kept up for years.
You make me vulnerable and I don’t like it. You make me feel like putty in your hands.
I hate you.
Why are you doing this to me? Why do you love me? What do you see in me that I can’t see within myself? Tell me! I want and need to know.
Slid effortlessly inside me, and kiss my lips slowly. Let me accustom to you.
Your babygirl is no more. Your Miss is here to stay and play.
I rake my fingers up your back. I know you like when I do that. I slap that ass that belongs to me, to give you a sign I’m ready.
Yes, you are top in this instance, but I’m the one in control. And you know it.
You know I like to be fucked and used ruthlessly. You know I LOVE to be pounded.
Fuck missionary, take me from behind. “You are such a good boy”, I whisper in between thrusts. You are always polite to your Miss and say, “Thank you, Miss. I’m your good boy”.
And the good boy you are, you grab my favorite vibrator next to us, turn it on, and hold against my clit.
This moment. I want to freeze this moment. It’s not about the sex itself that makes me want to savor it. It’s the fact that I can be myself with you. That I don’t have to pick between my submissive and dominant nature. That you accept and embrace all of me.
This is the exact moment that I begin to cry.
Not in sadness or from a dark and horrid place, my trauma lives in. From happiness. For the first time in my life I feel like a Goddess. I feel like your Goddess. Your queen. Your temple to worship. I feel love. I no longer associate mental and physical intimacy with trauma and pain. The trauma that has took and destroyed and hindered relationships in the past, regardless of what kind…no longer has a hold on me.
*A piece I wrote tonight that is fiction. Though, it would be lovely if this happened to me, hehe. I’m optimistic I will meet that person in my life. When I least expect it perhaps.*