“I don’t about you, but I’m feeling 22”

I’m going to be 22 in a few days. I actually forgot that it was going to be my birthday coming up. I don’t think I expected to be where I am in my life right now. I’m happy that I’m getting my degree, though had I figured out my life sooner I would have graduated this past Spring instead. I’m glad that I don’t have children. That I will be moving into my own place without roommates. That I’m in the process of adopting a dog from a rescue shelter. These are all good things. I know that, but I still feel sad.

I’m not where I’m at weight wise, financially, romantically, friendships, and the trauma. I guess I’m not too excited to be 22. I should be exploring the world and living somewhat carefree. But I’m not. I’m just stuck in my head. Overanalyizing and destroying my psyche with my negative mentality. Scared of this world and the humanity that just seems to disappear more and more everyday. 

I suppose all I can summarize living another year on earth is that…I’m sad, scared, and lonely.

16 thoughts on ““I don’t about you, but I’m feeling 22”

  1. Hope you’re a bit better Miss…? Hopefully on your birthday a few people will let you know how important you are. Take care please… wishing the best for you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Day by day here. I cannot give much certainty to most on anything. I find it reasonably funny. Quite a few folks have lost their rights to keep strangling me. Time ran out and their efforts were pathetic. They wouldn’t treat us well back then… lately they have been incredulous, frightened, and aggressive that we would know anything or anyone. The scoffing has lost its thrall. The nasty merry makers are getting sick.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It probably sounds cliche to say “take things one day at a time,” but I am turning 39 soon and I don’t feel like I have any of those things figured out either, nor did I back when I was in college. I kept expecting for the answers to become clear and eventually I just realized that living day by day was the only way I could cope with it. Just because something differs from how you envisioned it doesn’t make it any less “your life.”

    This idea bothered me for a bit but as time passed I started realizing that most of the people who “had their shit together” really didn’t. Their version of that was guarding an idea of a dream. This is the suburb they wanted to live in. This is the type/size of house they wanted. This is how much money they wanted to make. This is how many kids they wanted by X age. While they might appear to have a good bit of stability, talk to them. Listen to them bitch about taxes. Listen to them bitch about how expensive it is to only feed their kids organic free range gluten free food and send them to expensive pre-schools and private schools. Listen to them bitch about how that new development a few blocks over is ruining their property value. Listen to them bitch about how an untimely death of an in-law completely screwed up their vacation plans. Listen to them bitch about how with the kids practices and getting to the gym how they have no time left for themselves. Listen to them bitch about how a storm damaged the roof of their cabin/summer home and how much money it will cost them to fix it. Listen to them bitch about their 401k, flex spending plans, etc. etc. etc.

    When you encounter enough of these people it puts things into perspective, because they seem pretty damn miserable while they wade through the suffering of having everything they ever wanted.

    When you encounter enough of these people it becomes a whole lot easier to feel good about being you.

    Take care.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Life is an adventure. We never know what the future will bring nor how others in our lives will react. The trick is to face it head on and try to remain positive. I wish you a happy birthday! I wish you strength and courage. I wish you camaraderie and companionship. I wish you good health and acceptance of your body.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Michael ❤️. I’m not ashamed to say that I have a few tears falling from reading your comment. I wish for myself…happiness. Feeling content and strong. Feeling like the woman I yearn to be, but not am.

      Liked by 2 people

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